For starters I’d like you to take a second out to admire my very clever title and maybe give me a small applause.
It’s always questionable when we hear that beloved, ingenious films are set up for round two. “Who needs more money and why are they trying to ruin something beautiful” are always the questions floating through my mind. Surely neither Danny Boyle or Ewan McGregor are strapped for cash? So you’re just trying to ruin a good thing for the sake of it? Got it.
This is really going to be a hit or miss. Trainspotting was a true homage to the grit and reality of the 90’s, authentic and not shying away from the brutal results of addiction (cue dead baby climbing on the ceiling). It was one of those rare times that the film did the book justice. And I’m very grateful for the film because I’ve always wanted to read the book, but could never make it passed the first few pages because I could never fucking understand it. So anyway, here are some of the reasons I think Danny should’ve left well alone.
In general, Boyle’s films are truly hit or miss. The Beach was an amazing book but by god was that film terrible. And yes I will sing from the top of my lungs everytime I hear Pure Shores by All Saints but way to go and make an absolute joke out of a stellar book. Slumdog Millionaire, also not as great as everyone says it was. And again with the shitty track that you’ve picked to accompany the movie, once more making the whole thing a total joke. At least Wolf Alice feature in the new T2 trailer, and hold it together pretty well.
..Leading on to my next point. I don’t know about everyone else but I don’t want Trainspotting to be engulfed by the future. Fair one that the actual sequel Porno IS set 10 years into the future still following the foursome’s lives, 10 years would still make it the noughties, which is also now vintage. The past. History. You may be thinking “Oh I dunno sprucing up the film’s main tagline and filling it with social media references is soo up to date and needed!” But it’s not and you’re wrong. We are totally aware about Facebook and Twitter, they fucking consume our everyday lives, why can’t it leave Trainspotting alone? Nice, innocent, unaware Trainspotting. Not burdened by social media. Only life altering and deadly drug addiction.
Point three. How much do we trust McGregor to pull this off? Ewan better pull out all the acting stops for this one and by god make me believe he is Renton once again. He’s so damn famous now than what he was when he first said yes to the dress – I’ll be looking at him and picturing Obi Wan and that boring old man he played in a movie to do with fish and a big lake. Although I’d quite like to see a Scottish coke-fueled rendition of the Elephant Love Song Medley.
My final and maybe most important point, is that I don’t think my emotions can take a second. Because of course I’m going to watch it, there is absolutely no escaping. Props to Boyle though because I suppose the trailer is actually very well done. But I sense something purely terrible is going to happen in this film and I guarantee I will not be the only one in the cinema crying. The others will probably be 40 year olds taking the time to reflect on the past 20 years and realising they’ve done jack shit with their lives.
But anyway, don’t just listen to me, watch the trailer and have your own existential crisis.
Words by Laura Copley